If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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