im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.