a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.