i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED