You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
