My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
