youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again