I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I need to stop coming to work sober
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
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I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
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seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.