trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
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Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Did we literally take a cab across the street
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Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.