well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?