I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday