Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
The Olympian is in my bed
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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