I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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