He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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