i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
