went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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