I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
