if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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