I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize