90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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