We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
