my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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