I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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