Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
