i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
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I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
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What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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