Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize