we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
