im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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