My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
