Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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