lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
