guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too