what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.