Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Girls should come with a carfax report
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
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He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
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She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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