well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
