So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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