do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
