I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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