can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
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i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
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This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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