There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Randomize
