Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
