Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
Randomize