Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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