if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
