glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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