If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
