Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
