I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
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Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
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She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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