she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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