I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?