she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.