i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.