He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
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I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
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What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
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