he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
i think im in europe. pls send help
My life is pants optional.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
