i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Sober January is a disaster.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize