Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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