so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize