I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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