around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize