WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
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my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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